mixed emotions

happy

hole

when does it end?

so, i have been reading this book called Me Talk Pretty One Day by david sedaris.  i have heard a lot of good things about this writer and when i took a stroll to the bookstore (as i often do when i am feeling lazy) i bought a couple of his books because they were on sale.  the book is a collection of short stories that are interesting and funny, but not really in the way of joe the peacock, in case you were wondering.

the first half of the book was pretty interesting, but nothing that i couldn't put down.  today i started on the second half and haven't stopped reading until now, with 30 pages left, because i have an idea that is overtaking my mind so much at the moment that i can not concentrate enough to read.  the subject of the second half of this book is david sedaris' move to france.

you have to understand something about me.  it is in my blood to love france.  my mother loved it, my sister loved it, i have travelled there starting at a fairly young age, and i have friends there; all coaxing me to become intoxicated with the unique air that surrounds that country.  that being said, i was insantly drawn when i started reading about mr. sedaris' adventures in a place completely foreign to him, learning to speak a language that he had never heard before.  there was a chapter that critiqued the typical views that many people have of americans and french people that very much paralleled my own thoughts regarding the subject.  i just wanted to shout a giant AMEN.  

in this line of thinking.... i have always loved france.  it has always been my intention to study abroad there next summer.  then i was thinking, why not just go and live there someday.  it will probably be easier to become fluent in the language when the training wheels of the study abroad program aren't there.  but then again, that is an excellent experience nonetheless, practically speaking.  

so then i thought, maybe i will move there when i finish college.  i will just pack one fairly small bag and go.  maybe i won't even tell many people that i am leaving, nothing holding me back.  the problem with this line of thinking is that i have always had a very clear idea of what my life will be like.  i have always had a plan and so far everything has gone amazing in my life.  the plan says that i should be entering the workforce right after college and get a headstart into what i will be doing for the rest of my life.  

but that's just it.  for the rest of my life.  once i get married, have kids, and have a stable job, it will be nearly impossible to pick up my entire life and start off completely new in a foreign country.  that is not practicle.  at this point in my thinking, the idea of moving to france has now moved from something that i have always envied to a new dream of mine that i must make happen.  the light side in the plan is that it also has an alternate route.  i have always considered going to school to become a chef after college is over.  that skill will undoubtedly aid my future career as a food scientist.  there is the cordon bleu......  i could go to france after college and study to become a chef at the cordon bleu, one of the most prestigious cooking institutes in the world.

even if the cordon bleu does not pan out, my mind is made up.  i'm moving to france.  maybe next year i could live there with my sister for a few months, living in an apartment.  if not, i will move there when i graduate.  this is my new dream and there is absolutely no reason why i wouldn't be able to realize it.  

~dreaming of walking down city streets in france, chewing on a baguette and brie~

i love knowing that i can do anything.